From The Rector

When God Hurts

Prayers are answered in some very strange ways. Recently the film Schindler's List was aired on network television. I didn't watch it because it is one of those movies that I can see only once. (Some movies, such as The Matrix, I can see over and over.) But I remember clearly the night my wife, two priest friends of ours, and I finally went to see the film after it debuted in theaters some years ago. All of us had been planning to see it but already knew enough about the events it portrayed that it took a little time for us to prepare ourselves. The production, I felt, was so powerful in its presentation of one strand of the Holocaust tragedy that I will say nothing more about it than that every Christian should see it.

By the time of the closing credits all of us were weeping copiously, and emotionally exhausted. We decided to go to a local Italian eatery to dine. The canned gaiety of the restaurant and the sight of families with children having a fun Friday night out together seemed less real than the 3 1/2 hours of black and white images we 3 1/2 hours of black and white images we had just viewed.

It was a while before we could even have a real conversation. One of us, looking at what Schindler did, wondered aloud: "So what am I doing with my life?" I said, "I am wondering how I can continue to serve a God who will allow us to perpetrate such evil upon one another?" One of the priests responded to me in exactly the same way that I would have, had I heard someone else ask my question. But no matter what she said about the mystery of evil and pain, I argued with her. The atmosphere was getting a little tense for both of us (and our spouses), and I felt "stuck" in whatever mood had "possessed" me. Being ravenously hungry, I forced down a few bites of the Caesar salad. For some reason, probably by the grace of God, I realized that I was not angry at my friend, but at God. She was only taking the brunt of my anger at him, which in fact is a very priestly thing to do. We just hadn't planned to relate to each other that way.

Just a few days earlier, while preparing for a class about prayer using the book God and You: Prayer as a Personal Relationship, I had read the author's chapter on prayer and the emotions. He was describing how uncomfortable we tend to be expressing strong emotions to God in prayer, especially sexual feelings, and anger. Barry (author of this great little book) asks the reader to reflect on some passages from the Psalms to see how lovers of God have expressed powerful human emotional responses to him since antiquity. Jesus himself uttered the words of a psalmist on the cross (see above), affirming his full humanity and the purity of his experience of the absence (and presence) of God in his Passion.

For our relationships to grow and remain vital, Barry maintains, we must not hold back anything (in God's case, he knows what we feel even when we do, anyway), especially anger. If we suppress our anger, say, at a spouse, a friend, a parent (and certainly at God), what happens? First, we become aware that something is unsaid, or that there is an inexplicable tenseness in our interactions with one another. As time passes and the anger remains hidden, a flatness begins to permeate our experience of one another. We might feel this as boredom. In fact, with respect to the God relationship, according to Barry, this is the most common affliction of those whose spiritual life is tepid, or lacking vitality. It almost always means that there is unexpressed anger at God.

But it's no wonder that we don't feel comfortable getting mad at God! Anger is often thought to be unchristian! Anger, however, is just human. It is a normal - not sinful - reaction to life's hurts and fears. It simply is, just like sadness, happiness, anxiety. While God knows our needs before we ask, part of the grace of prayer is that we discover ourselves as we share our most vital, innermost experiences with him. Anger at God is still a prayer, and God would (I believe) rather we cuss him out than ignore him. And we just might find our religious life renewed by the release of healing energy that resulted from our sharing with God just how we felt about things!

So, I apologized to my very special friend at dinner that night. But she already knew by that time what was going on. In a restaurant, of all places, the Holy Spirit anointed our conversation, and graced me with a profound healing. God heard my anger and hurt, and took it upon him(her?)self. I saw that God was not far away, not forsaking, but hurting with me, with the victims (and perpetrators) of the Holocaust, with all his human children, with Jesus of Nazareth.

Peace,
Randy

From The Visiting Rector

Experiencing God in Relationships

Sixty years ago, allied troops from America, Britain, France and Canada stormed the beaches of Normandy.

Mention of D-Day, as that invasion came to be called, invokes for many of us memories of devotion, sacrifice and loss. But the designation "D-Day" also summons visions of moral courage, hope and relationship. As Winston Churchill so famously promised the beleaguered French: "Sleep to gather strength for the morning. For the morning will come. Brightly it will shine on the brave and the true, kindly upon all who suffer for the cause, glorious upon the tombs of the heroes. Thus will shine the dawn."

In Churchill's voice, we heard the thunder of God. In the fortitude of those soldiers, we saw the capacity of the human spirit. In the commitment of nations to relationships of righteousness and truth, we touched the boundary between heaven and earth.

In Isaiah 6:1-8, we hear the call of Isaiah to courage, hope and sacrifice. Like the men and women of D-Day, Isaiah heard a voice, saw a new reality and touched the fiery edge between this world and the next., Oh that we too might hear and see and touch that realm we pray in our inmost hearts. Not that we want to be tested as the heroes of D-Day were tested. But seldom in our mornings do we expect to hear or see, much less touch, God. All too rarely do our mornings break upon relationships of courage, hope and self-sacrifice. Is it possible that in Isaiah's call we could recognize our own lives?

Perhaps we have overlooked something in this old, old story. Perhaps we have missed the obvious: Isaiah is in the temple, in a location that fosters revelation. There he stands, staying in the relationship with the worshipping community through all her changes, staying in step with the future, participating in the ongoing life of God, participating in the divine energy of interdependence. For even before the vision and the voice and the fiery touch occurred, Isaiah knew something about the nature of God. Not only with his head but also in his experience, Isaiah knew that it is of the essence of God to be in relationship.

Today, our D-Day, we celebrate that most fundamental element of Christian faith and practice: relationship. We celebrate the possibility of seeing and hearing and touching the reality of relationships of courage, hope and self-sacrifice. The doctrine of the Trinity is for the church a summons to relationship. For in trinity God the Father is with the Son who is with the Spirit who is with the Father, self-communicating, self-giving, self-receiving. When we profess the trinity, we affirm that it is of the essence of God to be in relationship. What's more, we acknowledge that it is the nature of God to take the initiative in search of relationship; to reveal Himself as the source of life itself; to pursue us; to come to us as if with a burning coal to consecrate the unclean lips; to take away our loneliness, our guilt, our fear; to say, "I am with you … in the eyes and voices and touch of the people with whom you are in relationship." It is of the nature of God to exist to reveal Himself in relationship.

No good theologian would pretend to define God or limit God's activity, even by means of a doctrine. A theologian can only attempt to share some truths about God, just as the Bible does. For the Bible is a not a proof text nor a list of quotations for you or me to use to prove any particular prejudice or bias or theory we may hold. The Bible is a record of the wonder of creation, a testimony to the glory of relationships based on love, mutuality, self-giving and self-receiving, a witness to freedom and community. By means of its doctrines or teachings, a church body continues that record and shares in God's community insofar as that church is the image or icon of God in three persons, when the pattern of its relationships imitates the eternal communion of God.

We read on Trinity Sunday from the book of the prophet Isaiah, not because the tri-partite angelic chant - "Holy, Holy, Holy" - defines the triune God, but because this scripture points to God's utterly holy nature. This scripture tells us of God's complete otherness, yet an otherness that initiates connection. Today we honor a sacred tradition that speaks of a God who comes to reveal himself as the source of all creation, the salvation of all He has created, the sustainer of all life. Here is One who is vulnerable to us in every way, yet we cannot possess him. Utterly basic to our existence, yet beyond our reach.

"How is relationship possible?" we ask. We turn again to scripture. "I heard the voice of the Lord saying, 'Whom shall I send, and who will go for us." The unknowable One is making himself known. The incomprehensible One is making himself heard. God is speaking, and the scene is both earthshaking and heartrending. The close comes holiness and glory, the more we must bow down and cover our faces. The more nearly the divine approaches, the more we acknowledge we cannot know, we cannot hear such brilliance; and yet something of that mystery is turning to us.

The pivots on the threshold shake … and the house fills with smoke. And we cry, "Woe is me! I am lost, for I am a man of unclean lips…!" The angelic chant has let us know in no uncertain terms that we are in the presence of something awe-inspiring. Then before us there arises an image of wholeness from which we are separate and apart, a vision that comes to us with such fullness, that bursts upon our consciousness with such power, that we can only acknowledge its source as holy. And this entity is searching for us! How can this be?

"Gregory of Nazianzus and others remind us that (the word) God is (itself) a relational term, (for) God must be God-of-someone in order to be God." Gregory, quoted in "The Trinitarian Mystery of God" by Catherine Mowry LaCugna, did not mean that God is nothing more than a projection of our own needs. Rather, he sought to indicate that God is relationship in His being. The church has taught that the One who searches for us reveals Himself as Being itself, a Self in relationship, a Being in three persons. The idea that God is three persons in one substance did not take shape until the fourth century, and even now there are many formulations of that belief. For example, we sometimes hear people try to make liturgical references to God more inclusive and less masculine by substituting for Father, Son and Holy Spirit such attributes as "Creator, Redeemer, Sanctifier." But assigning separate modes of activity to each of the persons in the Godhead is a heresy known as "Modalism." Each person of the Trinity is involved in creating, redeeming and sanctifying us.

Or take the approach of different denominations, approaches that give more emphasis to one aspect of God than another: Churches that come out of the Pentecostal tradition give more importance to worshiping God as spirit. Evangelicals give more prominence to Jesus Christ, Son of God, Savior. Episcopalians are often accused of spending more time praying to God the Father than to God the Son or God the Holy Spirit. Whatever our practice, each of us would do well to be leary of praying principally to one person of the Trinity; for a unitarian God is for himself alone, and the God of Scripture is for us.

Again we hear God in search of humankind, asking a question. "Whom shall I send and who will go….?" The voice of God is poignant, filled with pathos and longing. The question is not directed to a particular person. The words are, in fact, less a question than a statement, a statement of God's decision to turn toward us, to search for us, and to reveal himself to us in that activity. We, like Isaiah, simply overhear the question in a scene that depicts the fundamental significance of humankind to God.

Why should we be so significant that holiness approaches? Why should God even care? Because the creator, redeemer, sustainer of humankind is a lover. God searches for us to complete the revelation of His being. God searches for us to participate in His life. His seeking is not brought about by our circumstances, our worthiness, our sufficiency; rather, that seeking derives from the anguish of God, His longing for the work of His hands. What is hoped for is human response. It is humankind who is called upon to answer: "Whom shall I send and who will go for us?"

In the silence that follows that question lies the dread possibility of emptiness, of infinite, indeterminate longings never satisfied, of nothingness which neither nurtures nor gives meaning to life. Humankind and God are engaged in the realm of consciousness where we are given the freedom to choose a selfhood based upon a new manner of relationship. And in the silence of that searching comes the possibility of no response. In that pause comes the realization that humanity has the capacity to choose meaningful creation, transfigured reality, eternal life. Thus are we called … to gather strength for the morning, to hear and see and touch a new reality, to experience God in the midst of our relationships. How can we not reply, "Here am I; Send me!"

The Rev. Judith M. McDaniel, Ph.D., is the Howard Chandler Robbins Professor of Homiletics at Virginia Theological Seminary. She is visiting rector at St. Paul's. These are excerpts from her first sermon given on June 6, 2004.

Senior Warden's Corner

I found a committee chair already busily going about his preparations for a meeting later that morning. It wasn't long before somebody else arrived to take down one set of seasonal decorations in the sanctuary and hang another. While I was upstairs in the atriums, I noticed a member of the flower guild downstairs creating a beautiful display of flowers for the altar and the altar guild had quietly come and gone, leaving things set up for the services the next day. While I was meeting with a couple planning their wedding, our sexton popped in to say hello and check on things in the building. By the time I was ready to go, I noticed volunteers were gathering downstairs to begin the day's meal preparation for the Lord's Neighborhood Diner.

As I drove home that day, I couldn't help reflecting on the vitality of the activities in our building. I also noticed it is a mixture of parishioners and members of the greater community who contributed to that energy and who find purpose and haven in this building. St. Paul's commitment to fulfilling our vision is spilling out to our neighbors. Those few faithful folks I saw bustling about on a Saturday morning represent only a slice of the focus and commitment flourishing here at St. Paul's.

Recently, I heard someone describe what keeps a community of faith strong by using an analogy about Giant Sequoias. His words reminded me of St. Paul's. I'd like to share them with you:

The Giant Sequoia trees in northern California are the largest trees on our planet. An interesting fact about these giants is: they don't have the immensely deep root systems you might imagine necessary to support their tremendous height and girth like the Giant Oaks do, for example. Actually, the opposite is true. The Sequoia trees have very shallow root systems; their roots grow barely under the surface of the soil. It would seem impossible that this sort of root system would be able to support these mighty giants against the elements of nature, but here's their secret …they grow in groves! Dozens and dozens of majestic Sequoias each send out their own root systems and, because they are "in community" with one another, those roots intertwine with the roots of the other Sequoia trees and, together, this network of roots forms an impenetrable, solid supporting foundation, enabling them to withstand whatever Mother Nature has sent their way for hundreds and hundreds of years.

Today at St. Paul's, I see strong, capable people worshiping, working and having fun together. I see people building community with one another and reaching out to share that community, that foundation of safety and strength with their neighbors. I see people planning, directing and sharing a vision for tomorrow - people who are steadfastly connected with one another. Our faith community has stood the tests of time for a hundred years, because we've "twined our roots" around one another and have stood together in community. I'm excited to be part of the next hundred years!

Love, Myra

Where we stand: A report from the Finance Committee

The records are in the final stages of being moved to Quick Books Non Profit, which is considerable improvement over the last software. Statements of Pledge payments and donations to St. Paul's were mailed on June 7th to all whom we have records as having given to St. Paul's, whether as a donation for a specific purpose or regular offerings including those we have on record as having pledged. It was also sent to other families and individuals whom we understand consider St. Paul's their church home. If you find any discrepancies, please let the Finance Committee know so that we can correct our records.

The biggest task before the Committee is developing a budget for the second half of this year and presenting it to the Vestry for approval. The challenge is that salaries and utilities for the building more than equal the projected income from regular giving and the rent received from Olympic College for the Early Head Start Program based in the lower level of the building. This leaves no money for programs. As a result, the letter and statements are accompanied by a new pledge card for those who have not yet pledged and those who would like to modify their pledge.

We anticipate that later this summer we will host a parish meeting to discuss finances and to look at ways to increase income as well as to be sure that our expenditures are consistent with the mission statement for St. Paul's.

As of this writing, we have 47 pledges totaling $82,882, of which $32,332 have been paid through the end of May 2004. We have also received offerings from 47 others totaling $12,254 through the end of May for a combined total through May of $44,586. St. Paul's expenses through May 29th total approximately $90,000 of which approximately $19,000 is unpaid after transferring money from other accounts.

Status of accounts at the end of May are as follows:

General Fund $ 2,000
Outreach Fund $ 7,700
Columbarium Fund $ 2,000
Memorial Fund $ 10,200 Note: Most is restricted use
Reserve Fund $ 6,900

Funds not held by St. Paul's:

Endowment (invested at Diocese) $ 43,000
Mary Shannon Fund $210,000 Note: This fund is restricted and the principle cannot be touched
Unpaid Bills: Approximately $19,000.

We are still working on refining these numbers and will provide information as it is available.

Henry M. Morris
Chairman, Finance Committee
Vestry Member

Notes from the Liturgy and Arts Committee Meeting, May 16, 2004

Acolytes are not showing up for their scheduled time, even though Jennifer Duenas is sending e-mails. Need to get parents to support kids involved in this ministry.

Cindy Holland reported that the summer music will consist of a pick-up choir and instrumentalists. All are welcome to sing or play. Just let her know of your interest.

A review of the use of the language out of the New Zealand Prayer Book during Easter, and the use of Prayers of the People from a source other than the Book of Common Prayer was held at the request of one committee member. It was agreed to continue to use an alternative Prayer Book, authorized by the Church, for a full season each year, probably Easter, as long as we notify the Diocese of our intent. There was strong support for using the rotation of the Prayers of the People that we are currently using. It carries us through the three-year lectionary with timely offerings. We hope that people will become more comfortable in offering their personal prayers, silently and aloud, during our worship each Sunday.

We are pleased to have the Stations of the Cross back on the wall. Cindy will be preparing an article for the Good Word about the artist and the process of getting them restored and re-hung.

A couple of special services were discussed: we support continuing the Kirking of the Tartans, complete with bagpipes, on the Feast of St. Andrew, for our once-a-year acknowledgement of our Anglican roots, and our chance to eat haggis. We will also be pursuing a chance to worship with clergy and members of an Evangelical Lutheran Church of American congregation in recognition of the accord that has been signed by the Episcopal Church with this denomination.

A reminder of Sue Stroup's Ordination. We'll celebrate at St. Paul's after the great event at the Cathedral on June 26.

Watch the Sunday bulletin for the announcement of a future meeting of the L & A Committee in August. Contact Sandy Stutey if you are interested in becoming more involved with this ministry.

- Sandy Stutey

April Vestry Notes

The clerk read two pieces of correspondence to the vestry. The Dean of St. Mark's Cathedral in Seattle sent Randy a letter congratulating St. Paul's on its 100th anniversary.

Valerie Philipp sent a letter requesting the use of meeting space at St. Paul's for a weekly Adult Children of Alcoholics meetings The vestry passed a motion to allow this use of space with oversight by Don Vanlue, Junior Warden.

Finance committee chair Henry Morris distributed a report of the first meeting of the newly revived finance committee. Recommendations were approved by the vestry included advancing Randy his stipend through the pay period ending June 30. They also voted and approved allowing Randy to carry over two weeks and two Sundays of vacation for the year ending April 28 into 2005. Approval was also given to reimburse Don Vanlue for purchases and Vestry Retreat deposit.

Rusty Holland gave a summary of the findings of the questionnaire that was distributed on Palm Sunday. Final plans were made for the RAD luncheon that was to be held on May 2.

It was reported that the Rev. Dr. Judith McDaniel would be available for the summer as a supply priest with the potential for additional workshops this fall. The meeting adjourned at 8:45pm.

May Vestry Notes

The vestry was joined by several guests from around the diocese council including Denny Bacon and representatives from Vancouver, Seattle and Bellevue. The discussion centered on the financial situation of the diocese, and the fact that the majority of parishes in the diocese are not currently paying their assessment. St. Paul's has not complied with assessment dues for many years. Vestry members mentioned the recent financial troubles of St. Paul's, including drop off in revenues and needed repairs to the physical plant. Mr. Bacon explained that the diocese is cutting $300,000 out of a $5 Million budget (in addition to last year's $250,000 cut) and that everyone is in the same boat. Representatives of the Diocesan Council talked about what they termed the "justice issue" of congregations who have not paid versus congregations who have paid, and the strain it puts on those who are sacrificing in order to meet the assessment. This portion of the meeting ended with the visitors sharing their good impressions of St. Paul's and appreciation of the opportunity to meet the vestry.

The next part of the meeting was the treasurer's and finance committee's report. Potential shortfalls in the general fund were discussed. Joe Massey, representative of the financial committee, attended and told the vestry that the immediate goal of the finance committee is to put solid numbers in front of the congregation in coming weeks to draw attention to our financial situation.

The MMR (Mutual Ministry Review) portion of the meeting included a discussion of RAD (Review Analysis Day) and the need for more participation from the vestry. A strategic planning session was planned for June 10 with the goal of wrapping up the RAD portion of the MMR.

Myra brought up the possibility of building on the success of the discernment process that happened around the new finance committee and restructuring of at least three other committees during the summer.

A "get to know you" event welcoming Rev Dr Judith McDaniel was planned for the weekend of Trinity Sunday. The meeting adjourned at 9:30 p.m.

- Lisa Massey

Summer time is project time

As you probably realize, there are a number of main-tenance issues that should be addressed during the summer. Some of them will require the hiring of professionals in order to comply with the codes, which will preserve our status with the insurance company in the event of a fire or other disaster.

There are, however, a number of things that can be corrected by many of the parishioners who have skills and talents which are not evident when we meet on Sunday mornings. What I have in mind is an informal group of those of us who would be willing to undertake these tasks during the summer so that we have a shipshape facility to start the program year in the fall.

Please give some thought to this. I will be asking for volunteers from time to time over the summer to help in these tasks. It will be less formal than the St. Andrews Guild, with which some of you are familiar, but we hope to accomplish similar goals. I look forward to working with any or all of you in the coming months.

Yours Faithfully, Don Vanlue

Church Quiz - July/August 2004

1. What is a Suffragan Bishop?

a. Assistant to the Diocesan Bishop with right of succession.
b. Assistant to the Diocesan Bishop with no right of succession.
c. The head of the Anglican Communion.

a. The side of the church where the sun rises.
b. The side of the church where the choir sits.
c. The side of the church where the altar is located.

3. What is a crozier?

a. A Bishop's staff.
b. A burner for incense.
c. The holder for votive candles.

4. What is a ewer?

a. Incense used at special services.
b. The second cross used in processions.
c. A vessel to hold water for baptisms.

5. What are lappets?

a. The "Roman" collars worn by the clergy.
b. The two ribbons at the back of a mitre.
c. The purple front cloth or vest worn by a bishop.

There are nine categories of Angels. Can you name them in hierarchical order?

Church Quiz Answers: 1b, 2c, 3a, 4c, 5b, 6 - Seraphim, Cherubim, Thrones, Dominions, Virtues, Powers, Principalities, Archangels and Angels

Spiritual Exercises in Everyday Life is a nine- month retreat (September through May) based on the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius of Loyola.

With the assistance of spiritual directors, the retreat offers participants an opportunity to deepen their personal faith and nurture seeds of a spirituality that can transform human society.

Contact Steve Donaldson (206) 721-4930 or visit the retreat's website at www.seelpugetsound.org for information or an application. The deadline for applications is August 15.

Newcomers' BBQ Dinner

Come one! Come all! To the Newcomers' Barbeque on Friday, July 16th. The party begins at 6:30 p.m. and will be held downstairs in the Parish Hall.

Alexandra Nichandros, dance teacher extraordinare, has offered to teach Salsa dancing for anyone that feels like cutting the rug after a great meal.

The church will provide the meat and drinks. Sign-up sheets will be available for salads and desserts. Any questions, call Barbara Moerler.

Randy Got A Plate!

My dear friends:

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your great outpouring of love today (May 23rd), and for remembering the 20th anniversary of my ordination!

I am glad that this milestone is one that I shared with you, especially in the centennial year of the ministry of this very special parish!

Thank you for the blessing that you are to me, for the $1,200 (!) and for your good wishes and affirmation.

And, I finally got my own St. Paul's plate!!! Love,
Randy

Summer Office Hours

The office will be open Wednesday through Friday from 9:00 a.m. to 1:00 p.m. Regular office hours (Tuesday- Friday) will resume on Tuesday, September 14 as the new program year gets started.

In the case of a church emergency, please contact Myra Battin, Sr. Warden (876-5165) or Don Vanlue, Jr. Warden (373-0649).

In the case of a pastoral care need, please contact Deacon Cece Morris (792-1589).

Episcopal Baseball

St. Paul's was well represented as 50+ family and friends cheered the Mariner to a long awaited 4-2 victory over the Chicago White Sox on Saturday, June 6, at Safeco field.

The White Sox were leading their division as the Mariners have been struggling over the last few weeks (months…). We even had folks who traveled all the way from Texas to be able to join their friends at St. Paul's and cheer at the game.

It was a great time to build community. Folks got an opportunity to visit on the ferry ride over to Seattle and enjoy the brisk walk over to the game. We shared snacks, kept an eye on the "little ones" that moved from row-to-row and just enjoyed each other's company.

After seeing the "Welcome Sign" to St. Paul's in Bremerton on the Jombo TV during the 4th inning, Mariner's second baseman Brett Boone was so inspired by our attendance and support that he hit a home run, to the wild cheers of the crowd.

This was Brett's first home run in a while and we have to believe he was inspired by our presence (and a few fervent prayers.) It also was the first homer to the upper deck, and the first time a home run was hit while the roof was closing.

Many thanks to Alexandria Nichandros, who worked very hard to plan and organize the outing. There is a possibility of a follow-up trip in August to another Saturday afternoon game. Contact Alexandria if you are interested in more information.

St. Paul's Youth Group Pool Party

Where: Alexandria Nichandros' Place
3012 Austin Dr., Bremerton
When: Saturday, July 17, 1:00 p.m. to 5:00 p.m.
Phone: (360) 479-5153 or (925) 528-9100
For youth aged 13 to 19, this is the blow out Youth Group party.

What to Bring:

o Friends - 3 max per St. Paul's Y.G. member
o Swim Suit
o Towel
o Sun Screen
o $5 per person for pizza